How Many Chances?

childrens-best-interestsI have been working so hard to get my children in a good head space when it comes to this situation.  There is such a long history of their father’s abuse and his talking poorly of my partner and I in front of them, it has caused much confusion, frustration, hurt and sadness.  Three weekend visits between now and the new year.  That’s what the judge ordered so that my ex can undergo a Section 211 Child Custody, Parenting Capacity and Parenting Time Report, apparently he needs to have the children with him to complete this.  This past weekend was his first of the three visits.  He showed up right on time to pick up the children.  Because of our past, I was terrified to meet him alone, so I had a girlfriend with me.  The exchange went smooth, as I figured it would since it was his first time seeing his kids in almost a year.  I hoped and prayed that he would just focus on them and have a fun weekend.

Sunday at 7 pm was when he was to return them to the same place.  This time I had my partners mother with me.  We showed up a couple minutes before 7 pm.  We waited, and waited, and waited some more.  At around ten minutes to 8pm I was starting to feel panicked.  We decided to walk around the parking lot once more.  As I walked outside, I notice two tall figures standing way down at the end of the parking lot at my car.  I will say this concerned me because I have been very carful to keep my new car away from him as I didn’t want him to know what I drove.  Anyways, we walked towards my car and they walked towards us.  As they got closer I could tell it was my ex, the children and a police officer!  I greeted the kids very happily, them clinging to my legs and hugging me, I hugged and kissed them and then I looked at the officer, he said I am here to “keep the peace”.  I am confused as to why he is there.  He then tells my ex that he can leave, we tell the boys to say goodbye, and they do.  Then my partners mother takes the boys to the car and I speak to the officer.  He tells me that my ex called the RCMP and was absolutely refusing to return the children until he had a police escort, that he was scared for his safety.  He was scared because my partner had been supposedly threatening him during the weekend.  I asked the officer what the allegations were and he was unable to give any details, because my ex hadn’t given any!  The officer apologized for us having to wait so long, said that my ex had been in town since before 7pm but he was on a call and wasn’t able to attend until now.  I was shaking my head in frustration and confusion.

It was getting late for the children, the officer said to me that he had no reason to speak to my partner about this matter and that I should just get the kids home and put them to bed.  He did express his concern about their fathers’ actions in front of the children, how confusing it must be for the children to hear their dad saying things to him over the phone and to show up to see mom and there’s a police officer there.  I took the kids home and put them to bed.  When I got home I had questions, so I called the RCMP back to speak to the officer again.  He returned my call just before 11pm that same night.  He told me that he had called my ex back after we left and strongly explained to him that first off, it’s not the RCMP’s job to accompany people during child exchanges and second, that doing this in front of the children is not good.  The officer told me that my ex was telling him about these alleged threats in front of the children.  This would explain why as I was tucking the boys into bed they were very quiet and sad, asking why daddy says bad things about him (him/he being my partner)?  “He is our family and doesn’t hurt us,  he is good and nice to us, I heard daddy telling the police man that he is going to hurt daddy and daddy was saying that I told him that he is going to hurt us, I never said those words” along with a few other things.  This absolutely broke my heart.  I asked my older child if he ever tried telling daddy that we aren’t bad people and that we would never hurt him, and he said “I did once but daddy got really mad at me and spanked my bum and put me in my room”.  The officer also said that he had created a police file and that I should contact the Ministry of Children and Family Development and inform them of what had happened, since he has two more ordered visits with the boys.   

How many chances are the courts going to give this man to prove that he can not focus on the best interests of his children, to continue to Gaslight and emotionally damage my entire family, it’s been over 3 years!  I don’t understand the reasoning behind these actions.  Why would he completely fabricate these false allegations?  I just don’t get it!  But I suppose you can’t make sense of sociopathic behaviour.  This would have been his chance to prove his focus was on the best interests of the children, as he claims.  It could have actually been a chance for a fresh start.  But no, I am once again trying to answer the confused questions of little people.  I still absolutely refuse to say anything negative about their father to them.  All I can hope for is as they get older they will see the truth; I maybe think they already are starting too.  The saying goes “it’s easier to build strong children than fix broken adults”, so I keep my fingers crossed they get through this continued BS without broken hearts and permanent mental health issues. 

       this really could just be so easy … 

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